My husband is my editor… specially in English. Sometimes I think / write my ideas in English… maybe because my friends who speak other languages can’t read my Spanish posts but they are the most supportive …
So I sent the draft for this post to him and when he replied, he mentioned that it might be a little white privilegy. I agree, and that is one of the reasons I wrote it… because the hashtag feels weird to me too but I still feel it’s true and it’s part of my story. Having had a blog for 2 years my understanding is that my readers might be feeling a similar way or going through the same issues I’m having, people relate to my anecdotes… I’m not saying that my feelings or ideas are the best, or correct or anything…
They are just mine. And truthful. And part of my journey. So anyways… this is the post I wrote:

I hashtag some of my summer pics #proudtobepale.

I do it not because I was always proud of my paleness, on the contrary, I’m proud because I finally accepted it … it took me so long.

I remember wanting to get some sun and come back home with an amazing tan during vacations. I so badly wanted to have this beautiful color in my skin that not just showed that I had been at the beach, but also that I had a great time and made me look more attractive. I wanted to be like some of my friends or other girls I knew who came home showing off their  gorgeous sun-kissed skin. Of course, the fact is I always got sunburns, blisters and red marks instead of the tan I desired.

My mom, smart woman that she was,  wouldn’t allow me to go to tanning salons or got me self-tanning creams, rather she subtly talked to me about history and facts that she loved, like  how in some Asian cultures women who had the fairest and palest  skin were deemed the most beautiful. As a pre-teen,  I could not relate at all, but still it gave me something to think about. I kept thinking…f@?k them I just want a tan like the celebrities I see on magazines.

Being a mother myself now I understand how she was just trying to teach me confidence, giving me examples on how I could also be proud of my skin color and mostly accepting who I was instead of changing it. Looking back I’m sure she was also just making me feel special, and us women would know how important it is for a say 11+ year old  girl to feel that.

Of course I realize today, that being “too white” is white privileged, it is non- issue , but back then, as a pre-teen I didn’t realize that. Everything is an issue at that age…I just wanted to feel confident and belong. What I know today for sure is that being yourself is more valuable than being like everyone else.

I think this is basically how I approach my self image and life itself: working with what I got, enhancing it, instead of trying so desperately to change it. Living in a day and time where everything the eye can see can be changed, can be made “better”, “nicer” and more perfect, I believe we should teach young girls and boys that although they can change their outer looks almost completely, they can also stick to them and it could make them proud someday.  Children can learn to be confident in their own skin, with who they are inside and outside, but it is important that us, as their parents and caregivers to model that for them. We have to lead by example, it’s the most powerful way.